Can we stay in touch with Mother Sarah after she departs?
Over the years, a priest and her (or his) parishioners share SO much life and ministry together.
We worship together, laugh and cry together, worry and pray together, share meals together, trade stories and pictures of kids and family. We help one another, seek to build a more just and peaceful world together, and strive to love and serve God and neighbor together. So, naturally, we form bonds of affection and friendship that feel like they transcend the “formal” priest/parishioner relationship. And they do!
But, when the time comes for a priest like me to take leave of the parish she serves, it is vital for both the priest and her parishioners to remember that we’ve only come to share in friendship because we first chose each other as parish and priest.
The affection and friendship we share has sprung into existence only because I first agreed that the people of St. John’s would be my chosen “flock” for a season, and at the same time, you agreed to let me be your priest. It is only when that agreement is entered into wholeheartedly and mutual trust is risked, that the ground is prepared for the growth of mutual affection, friendship, and love. And that’s the kind of ground from which beautiful things grow best.
This is why it is the wisdom of the church (and not just some meaningless, bureaucratic set of rules!) that when a priest takes leave of a parish, s/he should be “absent from the life of the congregation” for at least one year after the arrival of their successor (in this case, the next rector). It may seem harsh, but this practice exists for the good of all. This absence from one another allows both priest and parish to gradually “let go of what has been” and get ready to embrace what comes next. Hard as it is to let go sometimes, we neglect this wisdom at our own peril.
Imagine, for example, when I arrived at St. John’s in 2016, if all I’d done those first months was to compare you to my last parish in California (even if the comparison was favorable, but especially if it wasn’t)? What if I’d flown back to California to lead funerals for several members of my former parish that first few years? Would you feel that I was truly devoted to serving you? Conversely, how do you think I’d have felt if you’d asked me to call your former rector every time someone at St. John’s died, because you had such a strong bond with her or him that you couldn’t imagine anyone else leading the service? Or, if every time a consequential decision needed to be made, a Vestry member would inform me that they talked the issue over with the former rector before deciding how to vote?
If you had not taken those early risks to trust my leadership and service as your rector and priest, I would not have been privileged to earn your trust by leading you as faithfully as I’ve been able. We would not have entered wholeheartedly into that new relationship as we did, but only half-heartedly at best. The relationship would have suffered and so would have the ministry and mission of St. John’s.
So, after I celebrate Eucharist with you on Feb 2 and officiate an off-campus wedding on Feb 9 (to which I committed many months ago), I will no longer be able to function as your pastor or priest. It will no longer be my role to officiate at your baptisms, weddings or funerals. I will need to withdraw from social interaction, including on social media, for at least a year so that both you and I can move forward into new relationships in ministry. (I will still remain “friends” with you on social media, but will not be interacting with “likes” or “comments,” etc.)
Once this window of time has passed, I may come back to attend a service or other parish event at St. John’s but only at the invitation of the new rector, and I will attend only as a former priest/rector and not as a presider in the liturgy or to provide pastoral care.
After a year or so, I will happily re-connect with any of you personally and I will always be elated to see you when our paths cross again in other spaces around the diocese.
Soon we’ll be separated as priest and parish, but we’ve shared a whole lot of love over these last 8 years, and this I know to be true: Love never ends.
This comes with Love,
Mother Sarah+
